Bye bye 2020... we will not shed a single tear for ye!

Happy New Year, everyone! I cannot imagine that this year has not been, for any of us, the most challenging one of our lives.

May 2021 be less a challenge but an opportunity to share our joy and love for one another; to reach out to those in need, and serve as a reminder we cannot nor should not ever take anything for granted.

Love to all!

Do you have a special Christmas memory? I do.

 

Do you have a favorite Christmas memory? I have told this story many times over the years... and it means as much to me today as it did all those years ago.

When I was nine years old, my parents had recently divorced. At that time I was the eldest of four (now ten + three step-siblings) and my Mom worked hard being a single Mom. Sure, Dad was still in our lives but anyone who thinks a split home is easy has never experienced that reality.

Anyway, this first Christmas Mom took us, kids, to B&B's, a downtown Rochester, IN, family clothier to shop for Christmas.

To this day, I don't remember the exact details, but as we started to leave we were invited back into the store. My two brothers, sister, and I were then allowed to pick out a shirt, slacks, socks, and a winter coat.

That store, long gone, epitomizes the reason for the season. It is one of those childhood memories I always remember when I see families struggling during the holidays. That kindness of this 1966 Christmas still moves me to tears. 

For these things, I am thankful

It is this time of year where we offer our "what we are thankful for." Problem is, 2020 has been pretty bleak for so, so many. Still, I think there is much we can find to be thankful about.

I find it hard to say what I am personally thankful for. I have plenty of things of which I could say, but I find doing so unseemly. It strikes me as bragging. Simply said, I have food, I have shelter from the elements above my head, I know so many struggles to meet these essentials and sometimes wonder if I am worthy. What makes me any better than those less fortunate?

BUT let me say that there are so many people I can say I am thankful for who have journeyed with me so far and made this life one worth living. In my immediate circle, there is my son Wes and my friends who I see often. Shane, Matt, Anthony, Jim, Tom, Roger, Sherri, John, Ben, and in recent months someone who has made an immeasurable life-altering difference in my life, Stephen. I cannot imagine living without any of these wonderful people.

I can say this in no other way: I am blessed.

I am thankful for the friends of whom I do not see enough, my Navy friends, and those who grew up with, and those of who I worked with and came to call friends.

I am thankful for my parents' health. My siblings too. I come from a huge family. Being the oldest of ten, I sometimes feel we do not see one another enough. There are my aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and cousins.

I am not an overly religious man, I do try to find a way to be spiritual and live a life of good faith. I do believe there is a force that guides us, looks out for us, and I am thankful to have had many opportunities to serve in a way that brings some semblance of comfort (for me and most importantly, for others).

As I said, and you all know this to be true, this has been a hard year, perhaps the most difficult any of us will ever face. I do think we shall see better days soon, and those days will be ones that will serve to remind us that when things seem at their worst, what we have and really need is ourselves and those we hold dear.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 

A Bond with Separate Ways

I have said this in the past but was reminded today of how lucky I have been in my life.

Many of us who have had the misfortune to go through a divorce find themselves in the intervening years reflecting on a life that could have been... or how one decision made young can lead two lives in separate but rewarding directions.

For any of you who know me and know I am gay, and also a Dad and a former husband, know that a good deal of my life has been lived by ignoring conventional rules.

Phyllis (I fondly call her Phyl) and I married young (a month to the day after high school graduation, I was 17, she turned 18 that day. I used to joke that I was her birthday present); we divorced young, we were 25; I am told that gay men more often than not come out before the age of 20, I did so at 25; unlike many who go to college immediately after high school, I waited ten years; and many men who join the military (the Navy, in my case) do so right out of high school. I was 36 years old, a week shy of 37 when I enlisted.

Many folks who divorce experience bitterness and anger towards their ex. Phyl and I were good friends in high school; good friends (and so much more) while married, and when our dual situations were revealed to us, it became abundantly clear we could not remain married and be happy. When we separated, we both promised one another we would not be like so many other broken couples. 

Conventional rules be damned!

Phyllis remarried a few years after our divorce and Russell, her second husband and she were together for more than ten years before he passed away (while I was stationed in Kuwait in 2005). Phyllis met her current husband Josh a number of years later. And still, through the many years, Phyllis and I have kept in touch with one another.

Sure, we had a wonderful son together so that bond for a good number of years was a necessity. Once Wes graduated from Notre Dame in 1999, his Mother and I still remained in touch.

We rarely go for more than a few weeks without checking in with the other sharing tidbits of life. For me, I let her know how Wes is doing. He lives two or three minutes away from me but 10 hours from her. She misses having him close by.

One thing I can say about Phyl is she is the best Mother a child could ever want. And in more recent years, her second son RT gave her something she has always wanted: a granddaughter. As great as a Mother she was, I can only imagine how much she dotes and loves and revels in that little girl. Not Wes, not RT, not Abigayle, have ever wanted for anything because of her.

Today is Phyllis' mother's birthday. We lost Lois when she was 44. She would be 83 today. My Dad's is this Sunday and he too would be 83 had he lived (we lost him when he was 47). Phyllis and I talked today about our parents and reflections on our lives.

We reminisced about our growing older and taking stock in our lives. We have 47 years of history together... yet apart for 38.

I cannot imagine, even though we live 800 some odd miles apart, how my life would be had we not met in our junior year in high school.

If any of you have ever seen the 1982 movie 'Making Love,' a tale of a couple whose marriage was rocked by Zack's homosexuality. Claire and he ended up going their separate ways but their bond endured. Ours was much stronger than this fictional couple with thanks to our son.

Today we talked about one subject rarely broached. My personal life.

She mentioned that she was happy to see how my life has improved in the past few years, this year in particular. Had we been together, I know a hug would have been in order.

That is Phyllis and me. I have no regrets when it comes to her. I am better for my life because of her, and I would like to think she feels the same. 

The passing of the Notorious RBG, 1933-2020

 

I have held my tongue about the Notorious RBG's passing... until now.

Obviously, I am deeply saddened by her passing. My heart sank when I learned this sad news while out on my evening walk.

I do not want her passing to become political. (But) It already is.

Nor I do not wish for the proceedings to replace her to get ugly (and based on what I have read on the news wires, it already is).

I do not need to state my case what I want. You all know where I stand.

Conservatives, Progressives and Liberals are already lining up for battle. You know this to be true. But I want to state a truism too often forgotten, the majority of Americans are not so black-and-white. I may be wrong, but I believe the majority of Americans are Moderates.... standing in the middle of the road--yet all too often left out in the dark in any political discussion.

Our leaders need to consider this when it comes time to decide upon her successor. Note I did not say 'replace.' No one can replace the RBG. Of course, I would prefer another liberal to assume her seat. We all know that, under the current political climate, is NOT going to happen. The best we (I) can hope for is a judge of a moderate standing.

Now, with that said, I, more than anything (here and now), want to ignore politics (for as long as I can). RBG was a daughter, a wife, a mother, but first and foremost, a human being--one who led an amazing life, one deserving of our love and respect.

What I want us to remember Ruth Bader Ginsburg for is her intelligence, her love for others, her passion, her wit, her fierce fighting spirit, her intense love for the law but most importantly, her commitment to aiding the underdog, and for her empathy and integrity.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg will be missed--not only as a Supreme Court Justice, but as a woman.

Rest in Peace, Ma'am.

Cutting one's throat

I have family members and some friends as well, that I just.do.not.understand. Not one iota. Some of them are on disability or social security... or Medicare or Medicaid or all of the above, and if not now, presumably in the future.

Comrade Trump and the GOP wants to cut these programs and would have, had the Democrats not stopped them. They enjoy some of the services our government provides... these are not for free, but exist because we paid into the programs our entire working lives. The GOP, and especially Trump, have gutted the ACA... and want that eliminated too (with no replacement plan anywhere in sight).

AND STILL they line up at the voting booth like cows being lined up for the slaughter.

Moscow Mitch is always whining about entitlements. Entitlements my ass, we paid for them. They are paid for. They are not derived from nor subject to our taxes. Yet every time Mitch cries about cutting expenditures, he always talks about "entitlements." Shut the fuck up, already.

I swear, I want to tie them to their beds on election day to keep them away from further destroying what they--as well as you and I--have, first paid for, and as we age, what we have earned.

They probably think I am a socialist or a commie, which is okay as I think they are playing the role of Judas, which in my mind is far, far worse.

USPS: a pawn?

I have long been advocating using mail-in ballots during the pandemic. 

No more, I'm afraid to say.

With it becoming more and more apparent the Donald is working hard, very hard, to destroy our beloved (and oldest quasi government institution) post office--and with it the lives of seven of my personal friends, not to mention the other 497,000 postal office workers, it is completely feasible his actions could throw the upcoming election.

The Donald is already seeding a path to cast doubt on the postal service's ability to deliver--figuratively and literally. Donald wants to scapegoat the USPS to call into question the ability to deliver ballots for the upcoming election. He is already calling the election "rigged, most corrupt" and fraught with fraud. 

Mind you, when Donald calls out anyone of not playing fair, don't you dare take your eyes for one second off of him.

When he says, "some are saying," you can bet money those voices are solely in his sick, self-serving, mafioso mind.

Witness, his choice for U.S. Postmaster (and his wife) own stock, lots of stock, to the USPS' biggest competitors. Can you say conflict of interest? He has ordered budget cuts left and right leading to a slow down of delivery times. Ask my friends Shane and Sherri about their typical 50-70 hour work weeks due to long time staffing shortages. 

Trump's grudge with USPS is its alliance with Amazon. Jeff Bezos is one of Trump's biggest thorns and Trump is clearly trying to cripple anyone who he sees as a threat. It matters little that his desire to destroy Bezos can also cripple the USPS. 

THINK! Think about it. In nearly every community across the land one of the central unifying institutions, something we all have in common IS a post office. Even podunk Athens, Indiana, (46912) population less than 250 people has a post office. Multiply this by the thousands of towns, tiny, small, medium, and metropolises alike all have post offices who service ALL Americans, rich or poor. State populations vary from region to region. Look at states like Alaska, Wyoming, Idaho, Montana and other north-central/western were towns can be hundreds of miles apart. Did you know the longest (daily driving distance) postal route in America is 242 miles? 

Destroy the postal service and this tie for all Americans could be irretrievably severed. Why is this important to us? No matter where one mails a parcel, the postage is the very affordable 55 cents. Can UPS, DTS, Fed Ex, Global, and others make this same claim? Do these companies even offer all the services USPS does to all communities?

Back to the subject. The Donald and the GOP are doing all they can to make voting more difficult... closing down voting centers, making wait times longer, casting aspersions on the many systems that have worked well (overall, that is) during our country's numerous election cycles. When the GOP (co-opted by the Donald) says that mail-in voting invites cheating, the facts do not support that claim. Many states have been doing it for decades, ditto for our Armed Services.

If the USPS is good enough for the census, jury duty notifications, mailing our annual taxes, and many other legal documents, it is--and has been--good enough for our voting ballot... That is, until now. *

* Donald Trump used a mail-in ballot in Florida's last voting cycle. Sauce for goose not good the gander?

Vote you must! Vote in person. Vote absentee. And if you must vote by mail, do it early because of the increasingly difficult demands being placed upon our USPS. I would even suggest paying the extra amount for priority mail and requiring a signature upon delivery so that you know your voice, your vote made it to its destination.

I do not like being an alarmist... or like subscribing to conspiracy theories, but there are forces afoot to rob you and me of our given right to the government we want and deserve, a government for we, the people. 

Do not let them!

Remembering a hero

Joe Kernan was a personal hero of mine. 

A lot of the wonderful things downtown South Bend today stand upon the shoulders of his leadership as our former mayor. We would not have a wonderful minor league baseball team and state-of-the-art baseball stadium if not for him. He was a good man and he never forgot who he worked for. I met him on numerous occasions and he always had time if you wanted to bend his ear.

The last time I saw Joe, he was with a friend downtown at the South Bend Chocolate Cafe. Naturally, I wanted to shake the hand of a Vietnam War Navy war veteran (a POW, caged at the infamous "Hanoi Hilton," with former Sen. John McCain, if you didn't know).

As he and his friend walked away, I overheard his friend say, "He served in the Navy too (referring to me)," and Joe said, "yes, I know (me wearing my Navy hat, usually was a good dead giveaway)."

I thought that that was an odd conversation which became clear to me why a few weeks ago when I learned Joe was in the last stages of Alzheimer's.

Joe was a loving family man. His dedication to his wife and family was exactly what you would have expected of a man of his character. 

His love for our city is apparent when you see the many attractions that were the result of his efforts (the baseball stadium, the College Football Hall of Fame, which unfortunately was not the success he (or we) had hoped for).

When the Silver Hawks threatened to pull out of South Bend, Kernan and some his friends worked to save the team. Today, the renamed South Bend Cubs remains one of the most popular and visble landmarks, serving as an anchor to downtown's rebirth.

Kernan was also one of our former state Lt. Governors and he became Governor after the unexpected passing of Frank O'Bannon. 

He was an immense figure untainted by scandal but one of public service, humility, integrity and compassion.

Joe passed away this morning. He is survived by his wife Maggie and his seven siblings. 

I am saddened by this loss. Our loss.

COVIDIOTS? Grow Up!

For all the idiots bitching that wearing a face mask infringes on their rights, just shut up already! Whoever whipped this argument into an 'us vs. them' stance should be charged and tried for murder. How many thousands of cases of infections AND deaths have occurred because some selfish idiots felt too bothered to care about their fellow Americans.

I saw a meme on one of my former high school student's pages. It smarmily proclaimed 'I don't wear a face mask because... I have intelligence.'

Intelligence? Really?

How about lazy? Obstinate? Inconsiderate? Too bothered upon?

How about selfish? All about me?

How about stupid?

I feel bad for all the restaurants and their staff who cannot open now because all those COVIDIOTS have caused the numbers to spike again, thus forcing the eateries to remain closed or offering VERY limited services.

During WWII, our citizens came together by doing without meat, vegetables, sugar, rubber, and we scavenged metals and other items we take for granted to boost our country's defenses.

We bought savings bonds to help fund the war effort. Rationing saved our asses.

We were Americans with a goal, so what's the damn problem today???

Enough of this stupidity!

Facebook sucks

So, some of you who follow me here may do so on Facebook as well. If so, you might have noticed I have been MIA for the past month. Yes, I was banned by FB for the most asinine (and confusing) reason for 30 days.

Some of you may know that I am a moderator for a U.S. Navy page and also a co-moderator for a group whose audience is people of same-sex persuasion... yes, gay. 
Those people *gasp*

The group "Kick the Ick's" purpose is to provide a welcoming home for us where some may not feel it elsewhere. On occasion, I post G/PG-rated photos on this page.

A month ago I posted six photos of men kissing. Tame stuff. No tongues down one another's throats, no pawing at one another to get out of their clothes. Just a kiss.

I have learned, obviously, a kiss is (NOT) just a kiss. 

One of the six photos showed a Jewish and a Muslim man kissing. Instantly, I received a notification that I had violated Facebook's nudity/sexual activity community standard.

Trust me, there was no nudity. And unless you consider a loving kiss sexual, there was no sexual activity.

I do not know if you have been slapped with a FB infraction before or not, but when it happens you are offered the choice of do you agree or not with the infraction. I did not.

Too bad. I protested four times to no avail.

I went through this same process a couple of years back. Did any of you see the first Spiderman movie starring Tobey Maguire? If you did, you might remember the scene where Spidey hangs upside down and Mary Jane, his long-time love interest, pulls off his mask and when she sees Spiderman is her beloved Peter Parker, they kiss. 

How romantic!

On my page, I located a photo, same exact pose, but with two guys.

I immediately got slapped with a 'nudity/sexual activity' infraction. Again, no nudity, no sex (can someone even have sex hanging upside down hanging from a spider web?). I protested, but this time they consented that they had overreacted and removed the infraction. Good, huh? Not!

The next day, I reposted the exact same photo and got banned AGAIN! This time, they (whoever "they" is) refused to back down and I was banned for a day.

In the intervening years, I have been banned a few more times (two that I deserved).

So, now 30 days later I am back (with the proviso that "they" are watching (again, whoever "they" is).

Am I angry about this? am I confused? Am I worried? You bet I am!

How many hateful Donald Trump posts have Facebook allowed to slide by unpunished? How many posts have you seen that are clear examples of HATE go unchallenged?

So now I wonder if my 'a boy and his dog' photos will land me in hot water? Will my anti-Donald Trump posts cause me grief?

The sad matter of the fact is, the process for getting torched can come from viewer complaints or from a computer algorithm (which was the case for the two photos I mentioned here). Both photos that landed me in hot water were flagged within one second of my posting them. No one even had a chance to see them to 'get all offended.'

After I was banned, two of my friends tested the waters with the photo that most recently got me in trouble. They both were instantly slapped with a warning.

My problem with this process is there is no one you can complain too. Their decision is absolute. Facebook's process is impenetrable. If you saw the photo that seemingly violates community standards, you would shake your head in disbelief.

I have toyed with the idea of exiting, but to what purpose. I have some wonderful friends here. Facebook is a great means of staying in touch with family and friends (personal and those we meet here). The two groups that I work with are but one reason I hesitate to leave.

In the past month, I have missed you all (I was, at least, able to maintain contact through FB IM). I suspect in the coming days a dam has now been breached and you might see a lot of posts from me. You know, to get it out of my system. LoL!

If I disappear again, you will know why... sort of.

If that happens I hope you will visit me on my blog 'Running2Nowhere' where I have plenty to say without fear of being censored.

http://dmappin-running2nowhere.blogspot.com/

So for now, I am back AND pissed as hell with Facebook's hypocrisy. What do? What to do?

And Justice for All

CBS News' excellent special 'Justice For All' ran at 10 p.m. this evening. This should have been a three-hour event. It was thoughtful, thought-provoking, and heartbreaking.

Watching story after story clearly illustrates we in America have such a long way to achieve Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King's dream.

The sad thing is this one hour program could not begin to scratch the surface of issues we face.

Gale King was the perfect host for this event. She is a great interviewer and the other reporters all illustrated the thorny issue that we MUST conquer! Or we will fall.

One thing I resented, and for most of you who may read this, this will not be an issue unless your CBS affiliate is owned by Sinclair like WSBT is.

Halfway through the program, WSBT ran a (approximately) two minute Sinclair moment that basically played a "let's just get along" diatribe. I almost expected them to break out in song singing kumbaya.

Sinclair couldn't stand the thought of letting CBS present the view that so many police forces across America have sewed the seeds of distrust and discontent that they now face. The political stance of "tough on crime" has seeped into law enforcement in ways that condone brutality and excessive force.

Police officers who once commanded respect and friendship, now face fear and yes, hatred.

I fear that with America's short attention span, these issues will be forgotten once the next news cycle takes over. We cannot let that happen.

Black lives do matter

Black Lives Matters held a peaceful protest downtown here in South Bend tonight. I wish I had known they were meeting (I learned after the fact).

America's conversation about black lives and police brutality is long overdue... Decades, many decades--if not a century--overdue!

I can only imagine some police forces HATE the fact that no matter where they turn, we citizens now have cell phone cameras that are ready to capture every indiscretion, every brutal act, and yeah, in some cases, the good things they do.

Where would we be today if cameras had not been there as George Floyd died at the hands (knee) if the Minneapolis police? Watching the nearly nine video is painful, horrifying.

Just last year, my South Bend had its own run-in when a white South Bend Police officer Sgt. Ryan O'Neill shot Eric Logan after it was reported Logan had broken into some parked cars. O'Neill did not turn on his body cam and later, a special prosecutor deemed O'Neill's actions were justified. O'Neill claimed Logan came at him with a knife.

I feel every time a police officer is charged with a brutal act and when asked about their uniform body cams, all too often they said they hadn't turned theirs on. In those cases, I think they should be fired on the spot. There is absolutely no excuse not to have their cameras on! Their cameras are supposed to be for their protection as well as ours. Let's face it, in this day and age, an officer's good word of honor is not good enough.

What really scares me is how so many juries have been remiss in convicting police officers when shit like the events of these past few weeks (decades) have occurred. All police officers have to do is claim, "I was afraid for my life."

Cell phone cameras are thankfully making such pitiful claims harder to take seriously. Watching Floyd's killer's face on the video is stupifying. He looked defiant, uncaring, proud even. With him forcing his knee into Floyd's neck... with his hands in his pockets clearly showed his callousness to life.

I personally have had a bad run-in with our city’s police force (in 1996) and my experience vastly pales to the treatment of our black and Hispanic brethren.

I want to trust those who protect us but we all have seen the reasons why we do so with trepidation.

When Floyd's murderers are brought to trial, we must be ready if their juries turn a blind eye. What happens then? Action? What?

Can we get past that peacefully? History says otherwise.

Katie,we hardly knew ye

Nine years ago... just about this time, I was at work at Barnes & Noble. Back then we were not allowed to carry our cell phones on the sales floor. My niece Katie was desperately ill in an Indianapolis hospital so I went to my boss Tara and asked if I could carry my phone. I didn't have the phone in my pocket two minutes when it rang and I did not want to answer it. I knew who it was going to be, and I knew why it was ringing.

Jumping nine years after that dark day, our family remembers Katie with fondness and love. She was a funny, smart, lively, life-loving young 20 year-old. We thought her life was ahead of her but it was not to be. 

This morning, I offered my well wishes to my brother Bryan, sister-in-law Dawn and to Katie's three siblings Britanny, Levi, and Tonya.

Earlier this week, was the 35th anniversary of my Dad's passing. These two events have shaped the way our family looks at the uncertainty of life. My brother Bryan still comments "A father should not outlive a child." Dawn has told me she thinks of her daughter every single day, as do we all. I feel her pain,  I think of my Dad all the time.

My friend Tom has often said to be sure to let your loved ones know how you feel about them, for with tomorrow there are no guarantees. So I say, give your friends and loved ones a kiss and a hug (when we can get together again), take pictures of your times together AND tell them those words we all too often find hard to say.

Katie, I love you.

I'm not the only one

Would it not be an irony of all ironies that we, as world of people, no matter race, creed, gender, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, political persuasion, sinner, rich, poor, young, old, educated, non-educated, we are being affected almost identically by Coronavirus?

If we cannot find some comfort in unity, woe be to us... and worse, if we cannot find a way to draw together in the aftermath, we might deserve more sadness. I can hope...

Yeah, you might say I'm dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

It's the End of the World as We Know it (and Yes) and I Feel Fine

It strikes me sad that this topic would be my first post for 2020.

David Gerrold, in one of his best essays a few years back, admonished people who look down on people who are fast-food workers, janitors, grocery store clerks, waitstaff, etc. David said something I have never forgotten. We all are a cog in society. He said something I believe in as well... all are deserving of respect and a decent pay wage.

These are good hard-working people who traditionally are not well paid. Since restaurants have shut down, their staff are scrambling for work. Unemployment insurance may not be kind to these folks. A lot of us are still working, a lot are not or soon will not be.

If anything has been made clear is that this crisis has exposed how completely vulnerable this nation, as are others, is to what Mother Nature can throw at us.

I am reminded of the irony of this in these troubled times. As we all have heard about (and I hope none of you reading this partook in this shameless practice) over the course of the past few weeks people have been swarming into grocery stores, panic buying nearly everything in sight. Hoarders buying cartloads of sanitizers, paper towels, and paper towels.

Please, someone, tell me what people can do with 20-30 + rolls of toilet paper? I do not know about you, but that would take me two years to use.

Grocer clerks have worked tirelessly keeping the shelves stocked best they can. They have seen humanity not at its best. One day last week I thanked a young girl working at Meijers. She told me she had never seen anything like this--and hoped not to again.

I would like to think the next time increasing the minimum wage is discussed in Congress that we will remember how hard these people worked to keep the shelves ready for their customers.

I mentioned earlier this week that I fear for food wait staff who are paid far less than the current minimum wage. Is it not time we start an honest discussion about wages in this country? AND in the meanwhile, I hope you remember how hard food care staff work when you tip your waiter or waitress when we all can dine out again.

I have often talked with a favorite Navy Chief of mine about there being angels on Earth and...

We also talk often about heroes. In these past days, it should be abundantly who are heroes should be. Doctors, nurses, EMTs, grocery store workers, truck drivers... anyone who is keeping this lumbering economy going. 

They sure have my gratitude and thanks!